QuieterThanSilence

Pompous Pumpkineering

2012-01-13T16:41:00.000Z

Veronika lives the heteronormative dream with her husband "in a quaint ocean-side town" where she works as a freelance photographer, an occupation that apparently brings in enough disposable income to spend all day carving pumpkins, photographing surfaces, cats and douchy husbands alike in a lovely kitchen.

Being the artistic and talented professional that she is, Veronika had to plagiarise this simple design. One also wonders who took the photo of Veronika forging a contrived smile whilst using a knife to point at Hubby fingering the innards.

According to Veronika, successful fashion "and lifestyle" blogging requires one to be the most conceited person in the world. So conceited, in fact, that she not only assumes anyone gives a fuck about her pumpkin-carving evening, but also the laughing and pointing at laptop activities that she and her husband partake in.

Regardless, Veronika's fans keep churning out the vacuous praises.

The punpkin post elicited a further 77 comments.

WishWishWish You Would Fuck Off

2012-01-06T14:42:00.000Z

I WishWishWish dear little Carrie would sod off back to Neverland or wherever the fuck this contrived pixie comes from (apparently she lives in London, ergo probably in a bubble).

From her "About" section:

I’ve been creating “websites” for myself since I was about 13 years old. It’s something I’ve always loved, having my own little piece of the internet. And, why not?

I suppose I aim to post things that will inspire somebody in some way, perhaps. WishWishWish will contain my personal musings and opinions on things that matter to me, whether that be fashion, style, design, people and places.Blogging is a great form of communication, and I just hope that I can come up with something that might be of interest!

Why not indeed, Carrie? Unlike most of the other useless fashion blogging drips, she seems to have completely escaped Reality™ and instead opted to remain in some kind of baroque utopia in which there is an infinite supply of Vogue ads. Also, not content with simply photographing an item once or twice, she publishes several mind-numbingly conceited instagrams, sometimes including slow-loading gifs (for which she receives about 78 vomit-inducing accolades from similar airheads).

Carrie gets one point for not 'shopping on a CrapBook.

Carrie is also an aspiring film-maker. This moving short film is about the systemic subjugation of women through clothing....right? ....right?! Carrieboo's videos, complete with shitty indie pop for audio, feature Carrie wearing some clothes, walking around some place and making cutesy faces whilst the lens flare instagram camera follows her around. Her work is so beautiful, unique and genuine I think she should establish her own production company.

Sally and Ross' Bizarre Hiatus

2012-01-05T12:59:00.000Z

If you've been following prolific couple bloggers Sally and Ross you might have noticed they haven't posted anything since the beginning of November 2011. This is unusual, because they're normally at this shit almost every day. I'm not one to speculate, but could there be something amiss in their picture-perfect world in "London Town" (that's right, it's "London Town". Oh Sallyross, you two crack me up!). Could, heaven forbid, Sally and Ross have parted ways? (We can only hope). Could they be having a baby? Could Sally and Ross have realised, having proceeded the age of 16, that there's more to life than *gasp!* fashion blogging and photoshopping pictures of one's food?

Fat chance.

Sallyross are still alive and well on Twitter and Facebook.

Look Magazine had to do some quick editing before printing Sallyross' photos. As you can see, Sally is sporting a gorgeous Prada spastic helmet that she must wear after being struck in the head with Reality™ . Luckily she pulled through. In solidarity, Ross is bravely challenging gender stereotypes by adorning a fabulous flower headband.

One would think Sallyross don't have real jobs what with all the posing next to walls they get to do. Although Sally had a bit of an accident because the numpty forget her tampons. Silly girl! And once again, Ross bravely challenges gender stereotypes by using his fashionable dildo to match Sally's hairdo.

P.S I could only get access to these pictures because Sallyross decided to change the blog to invite-only and then back to public due to receiving some vitriolic comments following this Guardian article. They obviously realised they're not as esteemed as they thought they were. What a shocker!

Autilia's Fetching Blouse

2012-01-05T03:09:00.001Z

Greetings and welcome, friends.

I must share with you the Australian "lifestyle" blogger Autilia, who in her teen-aged wisdom, drew inspiration from popular culture.

See, she even has the belt. Clever girl.

and he thought it would never catch on!

Intro

2012-01-05T02:18:00.002Z

Ah, the western civilisation and its conquests. The empires, the renaissance, the revolutions. The telephone, the toilet, the toilet paper, the internet.

And its youth. Appearing like energetic succubus, they roam tirelessly searching for that which defines them, specialises them and enables them to live as individuals with unique hearts and souls.

Behold, weary clicker, the fruits of that journey.

Figure 1. The incredibly resourceful Autilia recycles her gran's doilies to make these lace-tacular trousers.

Disclaimer: This is a parody, therefore, I can do whatever the fuck I want.